RAPID CITY, SD — In a ceremony this morning organized by the Homeslice Group, Mayor Jason Salamun issued a proclamation that Chris Farley, a local turkey (named after the comedian and Saturday Night Live cast member) would be spared being dinner for the crime of being delicious.
“Farley has lived a life of pure comedy; strutting, delivering motivational speeches to the hens, and repeatedly sharing that he lives in a Van down by the river,” read Salamun in a speech delivering the proclamation, “And whereas putting Chris Farley in an oven would be the ultimate cold-turkey betrayal, straight up foul play, a real stuffing of justice; whereas we’d rather sooner run out of pie than run out of this bird’s one laughter; now therefore, I Jason Salamun, Mayor of the city of Rapid City with a full heart and an empty roasting pan do hereby grant. Chris Farley, a full unconditional and irreversible pardon”.
The turkey comes from one resident Richard Burton (no, not the actor), and will continue to gobble instead of being gobbled up.
Disclosure: The HomeSlice Group is the parent company of The Rapid City Post.
